Desire to scream…

"I feel like I am standing outside in the rain hoping to be struck by a lightning…"

(Screaming my heart out)

I can’t imagine how life would be. My life changed from a sudden flying leap from boredom, irritation and suffocation into morbid fantasies of dreams. Dreams that changed me and taught me a dire lesson in life. Dreams that put aside other life issues that, like the sun, were stared at only glancingly. I dwelled on heart pains amplified by other sinister aspects of my upbringing and my past.

With all its complexity, I hate this life. My anger is barely sublimated. It often emerges in unexpected and jagged ways, ways that feel authentic but somewhat beyond my control. I desire to scream after feeling muffled for most of my life. My lament will terrify even the stars.

That’s me. There go I…