I am married to my loving husband for more than 38 years now. I am a mother to 3 beautiful children, until 11 years ago when I lost my youngest son. Since then my life is forever altered but yet unbroken....
"There is always a reason to wipe the smile from my face..."
(The Sun Moon Lake in Taiwan)
And I realize that it's just a few days away from my Taiwan trip.
My days are chaotic. Workloads are choking me and my life is spinning out of control. When things get crazy and life feels too much, I look forward to tomorrow. Things might not get better, but there is the great promise that it can. Maybe it will get worse - I don’t know. Friends said that this trip is good for my tired body and restless mind. When the time comes, I'm going to step aboard that plane and head for the sun. I don't know what I'll see there and I don't know what I'll find.
"Poetry spills from the cracks of a broken heart, but flows from one which is loved..." - Christopher Paul Rubero
(1977 - ITM Hostel Open Day...)
While spring cleaning the study, I came across an old tattered and frayed diary of 1977/1978 nestled among the stack of anatomy and management books.
Half the diary was written by dear husband and the other half by me. Reading the diary brought back memories, both happy and sad. We were in our final year in ITM. There were lots of lovey dovey exchange between two young hearts…
Intelligence without love makes you perverse. Fairness & justness without love makes you inflexible & stern. Diplomacy & tact without love makes you a hypocrite. Success without love turns you arrogant. Wealth without love makes you mean & tight–fisted. Poverty without love turns you into a radical. Beauty without love makes you capricious. Authority & power without love lead to tyranny. Labor without love turns you into a slave. Naivety without love deprives you of values. Prayer & worship without love turns you into a egotist. Faith without love turns you into a fanatic.
"Forget about what you thought you were and just accept who you are..."
(My life at extreme ends)
Last night, I was listing my New Year resolutions – I got a few – be a good person, be a good wife, be a good mother, be a good boss, so on and on...
This morning, while still under the comforter, it didn’t take much longer for my be good resolution to bite the dust. What had seemed such a great idea last night was – in the warm light of the morning, today – becoming an altogether dicey prospect. Just fraught with pitfalls it was. I can feel that my resolve begin to drain away. By the time I finished typing this, all my New Year resolutions will go down the drain. So what's left? I knew for certain I couldn’t go through with them. There were heaps of reasons why not.
This year, I will try giving resolutions a rest and just do my best. I can't always get what I want, but if I try sometime, I just might get what I need.