About Me

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I am married to my loving husband for more than 38 years now. I am a mother to 3 beautiful children, until 11 years ago when I lost my youngest son. Since then my life is forever altered but yet unbroken....

Saturday, 29 April 2006

Fly away...

 “Often while travelling it’s too late to expose film, only time enough to expose our hearts...”

Fly Away

Leave all your cares behind
Set your spirit free
Just say goodbye
Take to the sky

We'll see what we can find
Come away with me
We can fly
Fly away...

Lookin' for a dream
See the stars above
And the Earth below us spinning
Come with me my love ...

Thursday, 27 April 2006

Hectic days ahead...

“Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively...” - Dalai Lama
It is already 6.30 p.m. and we are still struggling with the slide presentation to AG. We take-five for a while to allow for those who have not perform the solat asar. I thought of going home early and take a bath before going to KL Sentral to fetch hubby. His flight from kuching is at 8.30 p.m. But I guess the brainstorming session will drag on until late night.

The past two days had been very hectic. We met with printers and suppliers, we briefed DG on Quarterly report and we had officers from SIRIM to conduct ISO quality audit for the core processes in the department. My responsibility is limited to meeting with them for 1/2 hr and host lunches for them for these two days.

This morning I managed to clear drafts for posters, banners, press statements and speeches for the launching of the Coin-in-Education program. The diary is full for today and tomorrow with little breathing space in between. Starting next week, I will be away overseas for almost two weeks and everyone needs to clear urgent matters before my Paris trip,

Tomorrow Linda needs to check on my advance and tickets for the trip. I'll be flying to Paris on 29 April to attend the 3-day Mint Directors Conference, move to Bordeaux by train and stay there for 3 days for site visits and plant tours then fly to Vienna for my inventory audit and disposal witnessing assignments in the Austrian Mint for two days.

Hubby will be joining me in Vienna on the 9th and we will stay in Vienna till the weekend. Aaahh… just thinking of the holidays, rejuvenate my mind and soul…

Tuesday, 25 April 2006

Loneliness of the heart...

“Love is so short, forgetting is so long…” - Pablo Neruda


The briefing with DG went smoothly. I stayed in the office and cleared the in-tray while waiting for maghrib. After solat drove to Mesjid Negara for my Arabic class but surprised to find so many cars parked along the road. A security guard approached me while I was looking for space to park. He informed that all classes are cancelled as they are having the majlis bacaan tahlil for aruah Tun Ghafar Baba.

Tonight when I laid my head on the pillow, closed my eyes and listened to the soft music suddenly I felt so melancholic. And I’ve lost my footing once again and weep in my sleep. I don’t really know why but I guessed it’s numbing loneliness of my heart...

In the search for me, I discovered truth.
In the search of truth, I discovered love.
In the search of love, I discovered God.
And in God, I’ve found everything…

Monday, 24 April 2006

Working lunch...

“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope...” - Martin Luther King Jr.

This morning we had all the reps from each section put their thoughts together to assist in preparing and validating the slides for the Quarterly briefing to DG. They were serious, and worked meticulously through lunch. The young officers showed high enthusiasm and very participative and engaging throughout the session. At the end of the session, silos were broken, friendships built, and understanding of the issues become imminent.

The Pengarah was quite pleased with the result and had ordered nasi goreng to be specially delivered to the meeting room. And for dessert someone sedekah a bunch of bananas and all of a sudden the serene meeting room turned into a zoo. All of a sudden those bunch of serious people turned cheery and happy.

Bananas must be the reason why monkeys are so happy all the time!

Sunday, 23 April 2006

Back-to-back trips...

”I have seen, tasted and touched many places. This has made me realize, how small, connected and wonderful the earth is…” - Anton Verwey

Kuching - KL

The phone rang at 5.00 a.m. sharp. That was our wake up call. Although feeling so sleepy we got ready very fast. By the time we checked-out, the taxi was already waiting for us. Our flight to KL was at 7 a.m.

When we arrived at the apartment, Sara and Iwan were still asleep and we let them enjoyed their sleep a little longer. Hubby busied himself packing his bag for his trip to Dhaka scheduled this evening for his next assignment. I prepared something simple for lunch. After lunch and a short nap, we headed to KL Sentral to send him off. I am going to miss him again…

With Sara, Iwan and Ella, we drove to Subang Parade where we bought a pretty white-gold bracelet for Ella, to be used masa membatal air sembahyang after the majlis akad nikah...

Saturday, 22 April 2006

Kuching - Watch the sunset...

“Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back..” -  Anais Nin


We had our breakfast early. Hubby had earlier arranged for a rental car to be at the hotel around 9 a.m. We planned to drive to Serikin, a small border town an hour drive from Kuching. There they have the local market where selection of native products such as baskets, hats, textiles and Indonesian batiks being sold at a very cheap price. We ended buying a few pieces of batiks, buah salak and ikan kering.

We drove back around noon and had roti sardine for lunch. Bought a few t-shirts for us and the kids and later headed to Damai, Sarawak's main beach resort area with pristine sandy beaches by the South China Sea with the Mt. Santubong as backdrop. We stayed there for a while to watch the sunset.

We stopped to have dinner at a seafood restaurant at Buntal. Dinner was delicious and filling. By the time we reached the hotel it was already late. After a lingering hot bath, feeling tired but happy, we slept like babies.

Friday, 21 April 2006

Kuching - Minor findings...

“The bold may not live long, but the timid never live at all...”

This morning we had breakfast together with hubby's team. The Crown Plaza Hotel is swarmed with policemen and dignitaries. Most probably awaiting the announcement to dissolve the state assembly to pave way for the ninth election. We heard that the Sarawakians will go to the polls on May 20.

We took two cabs, one went direct to bangunan Telekom, another to send me first to the branch office. I visited the Security Control room while the custodians were busy in the vault. They had recently upgraded the security equipments. Some minor adjustments were needed to correct unclear visuals. Inspected the Peripheral Intruder Detection System and they too were functioning ok.

My next inspection was in the processing room and the bulk-payment room. Friday is always a busy day. The branch was full of activities with CIT companies rushing to make deposits and withdrawals. By noon, I had completed my work at the branch. The branch Manager sent me back to the hotel and I have time to steal a quick nap. Went to buy KFC and had my late lunch in the room while waiting for him.

We had roti john for dinner at the Esplanade. Later we watched Ultra-violet at the Cineplex.

Thursday, 20 April 2006

Kuching - Surprise Audit...

“Of the gladdest moments in human life, is the departure upon a distant journey into unknown lands…”

I was in a state of panic when I woke up this morning.

I must have slept like a rock and didn’t hear the alarm. I got ready in a jiffy and said goodbyes to the kids. They must’ve not heard me from under their warm comforters. By 6.30 a.m. I was speeding on the NKVE hi-way on my way to KLIA. My flight to Kuching was a little delayed. By the time the plane landed at the new airport someone was already there to pick me up. They must have received Linda’s e-mail to inform that I am coming for the surprised audit.

Before I start work, sms hubby to let him know that I am already at my branch office. He promised to have lunch together and to pass me the key to the hotel room. After a short briefing by the Branch Manager, I was accompanied by the two custodians and the Audit Control Officer to the main vault where I observed them performed the stock count. Except for a minor discrepancies in the main register, the inventory was in order.

Hubby came at 1 p.m., sweating. I am glad to see him. I missed him so much. We had lunch with his team at a food court behind the office. After lunch he sent me back to the branch office and he walked in the hot sun to Telekom building where they are conducting a 2-week Mentoring Program for the Telekom staff. The whole afternoon was spent discussing issues of concern with the Branch Manager and all the section heads and the Chief Security.
(Mr. Beans for me and Sara)

Back in the hotel room we had a luxurious long nap. We only woke up when it was already dark outside. Dinner was fried tilapia at Sugar Bun. Feeling sleepy again we went to bed early and sleep tight till morning…

Monday, 17 April 2006

KT - Drugs and counterfeiters...

“Make voyages! Attempt them! There is nothing else...” - T. Williams

Last night when I was browsing through the report for the court case I realized that they have omitted the Authority Letter. Called the officer to fax me the document first thing in the morning.

After breakfast, took a cab to the Magistrate Court. KT branch is just next door so I dropped by to check on my fax. At the court met with the IO and some other witnesses. While comparing notes I found out that the young guy from Kuantan and his friend were Ja’s schoolmates in Institute Hafiz in Klang. What a small world. I told them about Ja.

The case which was supposed to be heard at 8.30 a.m. started quite late. I was finally called to testify as expert witness and was cross-examined for nearly 1½ hours. Overall, the session was a good one.

After I was released of my duty, I walked to KT branch and met with the Branch Manager who later sent me back to the hotel. I gave excuses to escape having lunch with him and ended up having fish n chips by myself.

My flight is @ 1755 and I have ample time to take a much needed nap. The flight to KL was uneventful. By the time I reached the apartment, Iwan and Sara were already home. Had nasi lemak for dinner with the kids...

Happy birthday Sara...

“Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it…” - André Gide

As days go by
'May each one bring you
simple pleasures to enjoy,
bright hopes for the future
and the happiness of knowing
how special you are to us
Lots of Love from Abah, Mak & Iwan

Sunday, 16 April 2006

Separate destinations...

“The journey is the reward...” - Taoist saying


At 10 a.m. I was still in bed. Last night I slept late, browsing the internet and visiting interesting blogs. Sara came home late last night after a dinner date with a friend.

After visiting the wash room I went back to sleep right till noon. Sara was still in bed. Woke her up when lunch was ready. We had burger and cheese and enough to last me for a while. Quickly showered and packed an overnight bag for my trip.

Believe it or not, as if planned, we are going to KLIA together to catch different flights. I am flying to KT @ 1630 to attend a court case and hubby is flying to Kuching @ 1655 to facilitate a training. We drove all the way to KLIA and I’ve to check-in first as he has to wait for his ticket. He is traveling with a few of his team. While waiting, we had KFC to fill hungry tummies.

We boarded separate planes for separate destinations. I reached KT Airport and took a cab to Primula Beach hotel, checked-in room 407, performed my solat and later went for a walk along the beach. The weather was hot but windy.

Hubby sms from Crown Plaza Kuching. He and his team will be in Kuching for a week. Believe it or not, I will be seeing him there this Thursday. I have an audit meeting on Thursday and Friday. We’ll spend the weekend and fly back together on Sunday.

Goodnite. Sleep well and sweet dreams yang…

Friday, 14 April 2006

A lunch date...

“Always dream and shoot higher than you know you can do. Try to be better than yourself...” - William Faulkner

I was surprised to receive a call from Hijah. She sounded excited and we fixed a lunch date at the Mall. Hijah was one of the lady dealers in the dealing room in my former department. She was seconded and later joined one foreign bank. Although high ranked and successful, she dropped everything and spend time to take care of her ailing father. For the last 9 months, she was a full housewife and a lady of leisure. She has all the time in the world… Shopping, traveling, facials and spas…

Bubbly and lively, she is still the Hijah I used to know. We exchanged news about former officemates and old friends, gossiped about people we know and we don’t know. I was honored to be the first to share her good news. She’s making a come back. And it’s a good offer too. Most probably we’ll know about her appointment and see her face in the paper soon.

Tonight we spent the night at our Bidara house. Before sleep we went through Ja’s photo albums. Those pictures of him brought back sweet happy memories. Before sleep we said prayers for our beloved son.

Wrapped in each others arms, we slept soundly till morning…

Thursday, 13 April 2006

Absolute Thai dinner...

“Taking no chances means wasting your dreams…” - Ellen Hopkins

At 6.30 a.m. hubby sms from Singapore. His connecting flight to KL would be at 8.30 a.m. When he reached KLIA, he called. I was glad to hear his voice. He sounded tired, most probably from lack of sleep. Promised to pick him up at 11.00 a.m. and he later sent me back to office.

Hubby and Iwan will be very busy today. They went to Mesjid Selayang to get the documents for the akad nikah signed. Later went to the workshop to pick my car. It cost more than RM700 to knock and paint the dented door! Iwan and Ella went to Mandy Villa apartment to choose color for the tiles and cabinet. We have engaged the resident contractor to renovate the apartment and hopefully the works will be completed in time for them to move in after their majlis perkahwinan in June.

After office hubby fetched me and we met Sara, Iwan and Ella at Putramas apartment and later had dinner at Absolute Thai. The service was fast and the food delicious. Ja would have love the Thai food here although the tomyam is different from Sri Thai’s.

Tonight we slept early. Although tired and sleepy, hubby didn’t sleep that well tonight…

Wednesday, 12 April 2006

Cloud in my heart...

“How wrong is it for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself?”- Anaïs Nin

This morning when I woke up I felt so forlorn. There’s a cloud in my heart. My emotions are raw today. I’ve simply torn apart. It hurts so much. I feel like someone has taken the stars from my night and the sun from my day!

Hubby is in Dhaka since Sunday and will only be back tomorrow. When I reached office I sms him and told him how I feel. Told him that I missed Ja. He sms back and told me that he feel the same too. Told me last night he couldn't sleep well. He woke up several times dreaming of Ja.

I miss my baby so much... and I miss you too, yang.

Saturday, 8 April 2006

Doa Ibu...

“Grief can disappear for a long time, and then pop back up when you least expect it...” - Lemony Snicket

Doa ibu di Pusaramu'
Sekalung doa akan kubaca
Tenteramlah anak ku,
tenteramlah selalu…
Di bumi ini jasadmu bersemadi
Kan ku rindu senyum tawa mu,
Kan ku rindu peluk ciummu…
Kini bersama angin di hujung dahan
Pusaramu kutinggalkan,
Sepi mu tanpa berteman…

Friends forever...

“Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you…” - Walt Whitman

Senator Ubai called. She was still on a bus and will be a little late. I had time to solat ‘asar first and by the time I reached Sentral she was already there. We headed to Bee’s house but stopped at a petrol station to refuel and Ubai bought some tid-bits for Bee and her children. It was already maghrib when we reached Bee’s place. We drove off somewhere near and had mee goreng and kuew teow goreng for dinner. The food was nice and the conversations revolved around nothing in particular.

It was nice to be together again even for a short while. Called Nik Aminah to inform that we can’t meet her tonight. We simply don’t have the time. Promised her that we will arrange to meet up with the rest of the gang. Tonight I just want to be with Ubai and Bee. We talked about life, about our children but mostly about Ja. Tonight, we laughed and cried together. I know they are always there for me and could feel my pain. I know Ubai could. She lost her hubby a few years back…

We sent Bee home. Abang Yusuf is in KK for almost 2 months now and Bee couldn’t leave home. She’s more worried of her kittens than her children. We need to tell Bee to dispose off some as the house is stinking of cat’s urine.

Back in Putramas apartment, we solat Isya’ and recite the yassin together. Ubai slept with me. Sara and Ella occupied the other room. And Iwan slept on the make-shift bed in the living room.

Friday, 7 April 2006

Travel plans...

“Travel made me the saddest person on earth! Still it’s my only reason for living..."

I had toast and milo for breakfast. Sara was still asleep when I left for office. They were having a party on the other wing and all were invited. The makan-makan was meriah and there was abundance of food. Engrossed with the roti jala and delicious pudding, I nearly missed the 10 o'clock meeting.

Today’s schedule is quite hectic. The Director is back from Europe and between the two of us, we have to split when we have back-to-back meetings. Still feeling full, I skipped lunch and watched the girls wrap presents for the family day to be held at the Water World in Air Kroh. Again this year I will not be able to join them as I will be in Kuching for the surprise audit. Need to ask Sara, Iwan and Ella whether they are interested to join.

Dato Azli came early for the afternoon meeting. He informed me that he has already booked hotel accommodation for me in Paris together with the rest of the Malaysian delegates. Must remember to ask Linda to cancel my earlier hotel booking as this is a better choice and a walking distance from the conference venue. My company will reimburse any expenses paid in advance. By next week I have to finalise the travel plan.

The meeting with RMM dragged on till 6 p.m. By the time we wrapped-up the session I was already restless. I am supposed to pick Senator Ubai at KL Sentral around 5.30 p.m.

Moments with God...

“A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you're fast asleep…”

Moments with God

Happy moments, praise God
Difficult moments, seek God
Quiet moments, worship God
Painful moments, trust God
Every moment, thank God

Wednesday, 5 April 2006

Dented Spectra...

“Ah! There is nothing like staying at home, for real comfort...” - Jane Austen

Zizi of RMM came to say hello and takziah.

He will be attending the Mint Directors’ Conference with Dato Nik. They are attending a Metal Expo somewhere in Europe a few days before joining me in Paris for the Mint Conference.

After a 4-hour meeting with the AG, I was dead exhausted. At 6.45 p.m. I was driving out of the car park. My mind was somewhere else. Didn’t realize that the Spectra was too near to the wall when I made a sharp turn. The left back door was scraped very badly. But I didn’t stop to inspect.

I need to send the Spectra to the workshop. Really dread the inconvenience!

Tuesday, 4 April 2006

What a small world...

 “We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid…” - Benjamin Franklin

Tonight I’m attending my Arabic class for the first time after two weeks… I was on the way to Mesjid Negara when Kak Ani UIA called and I was in for a surprise! Habsah, my long lost best friend is her sister-in-law! She knew about this last weekend when she went visiting Habsah and her mom. They were talking about life in KB and Kak Ani mentioned some names of notorious juniors in the same hostel and guess what? She was describing the big 5.

Habsah was overly excited when we met. Classmates came to say condolences. Ustaz asked how I am. I told him I’m ok.

Truthfully, at times, I am not…

Sunday, 2 April 2006

Fish n’ chips & Tomyam...

“To weep is to make less the depth of grief…” - William Shakespeare

Iwan and Ella were already at Ikea. Sara and I were supposed to meet them at the food-court for dinner. It was still early but everyone was hungry. The ladies ordered meatballs. Iwan ordered fish n’ chips. Looking at Iwan’s fish n’ chips reminded me of my beloved Ja. If ever we go to Victoria Station for western food, Ja will take time to look at the menu thoroughly but eventually he will order fish n’ chips without fail. When come to food, he was not that adventurous.

“tak yah tengok lama-lama menu tu… nanti order fish n’ chips gak… “ We used to tease. It has become a family joke.

After dinner we went to buy provision at the Cold Storage. On the way to the car we stopped at one nearby Thai Restaurant and gazed at the picture menu. Tomyam was Ja’s favorite food too. When the kids pointed out that “gambar tomyam tu nampak sedap”, it nearly brought tears to my eyes…

I miss my baby so much...