About Me

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I am married to my loving husband for more than 38 years now. I am a mother to 3 beautiful children, until 11 years ago when I lost my youngest son. Since then my life is forever altered but yet unbroken....

Sunday, 28 February 2010

Bad moon rising...

“Like all great travelers, I have seen more than I remember, and remember more than I have seen...”

(A beautiful sunset)

That night we had our leisure walk across the park passed the new jetty of Lumut.

It was a full moon. Its clear reflection mirrored in the water. The tide was high. We could see flickering lanterns from the many fishing boats off the coast, rocking gently in rhythm with the rolling of the waves.

It must be the season of the werewolves for we could see youngsters wondering around town like zombies without any particular place to go. Watching them from far, we would have imagined that they were waiting for the apocalypse to visit them anytime now.

If not for the blaring music and mysteriously-filled air of festivities, we would have thought that there was some sort of demonstration or protest going on at the Jetty.

We could feel the storm brewing at the horizon. It’s not the end of the world but it looked like we were in for a nasty weather....

(Chalets on stilts at Bagan Lalang)
(A boat ride around Pangkor Island)
(Mus and Mun relaxing at the Jetty in Lumut)

Friday, 19 February 2010

Down to the waterline...

"Old habits die hard, I guess. If you don't kick them, they kick you..."

(Fishing boats at Tanjung Piai)

Fishing is not one of my favorite past time.

The night was windy, the men were smoking and exchanging good-humored stories while I sat alone lost in thought at one corner of the jetty holding the fishing rod loosely. Both legs freely dangling over clear water. Mark Knopfler's 'Down to the waterline' was playing softly in the back ground. I watched small fishes nibbling at the bait playfully. My mind was wondering far, pondering the imponderable. The mind is full of thoughts.

This trip is supposed to relax my mind, body and soul. As simple as that. But of course it wasn’t simple at all. When it came to impulses, nothing was simple.
What agonies of mind had I put me through now?

(Chalets on stilts, at low tide)

The CNY long weekend was spent driving in our 4x4 down south to 'the southernmost tip of the mainland Asia' at Tg. Piai, Desaru, Air Papan, to Kuantan passing the Endau Rompin back to KL...

(By the beach at Telok Chempedak)

Wednesday, 17 February 2010

My profound silence...

"No one appreciates my streak of rebelliousness..."

((L to R: Hasni, Doc Nik Arif, Hamidah, Col Abdul (with 4 kids and a son-in-law), Doc Helmi, Babee and Nong)

I have annoyed some friends when I did not answer any of their many messages about the reunion.

When I told them to go ahead and be resourceful, they started to blame and claimed that I have been distancing myself from them. And of all people, I am the one they decided to piss on. This seemed to me eminently unjust. What did they know of my profound silence? Do I need to tell them that my interest lies elsewhere?

I wish I could just tell the world that for now I wish to be alone, free of friends and foes. But the truth is, it is more of my own reverie from which I need to be free of.
But then when I saw Doc Helmi's message this morning I was excited to join the gang at Secret Recipe to celebrate Nik Arif and wife's homecoming and celebrate Col Abdul's 54th birthday!

Tuesday, 9 February 2010

A tad bit insane…

"There is no deadline, no time limit to my suicidal thoughts. Now I am beginning to fathom why I have these thoughts..."

(In a state of shock)

I would never expect that someone to die after watching Avatar.

But I wasn’t all that surprised if someone has. Obviously, Avatar isn’t to be blamed for these suicidal reactions. I had for a moment. I really wanted to live in Pandora, which seemed like such a perfect place. And last week after watching Legion, the movie, I had that thought again. It was a disappointment to see two angels fighting each other to death.

The thoughts will be there. And they are there for no apparent reasons. I could be considered as a tad bit insane here. This does not necessarily mean that I truly want to die.