About Me

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I am married to my loving husband for more than 38 years now. I am a mother to 3 beautiful children, until 11 years ago when I lost my youngest son. Since then my life is forever altered but yet unbroken....

Tuesday, 31 May 2005

Calories to burn...

“Good books don't give up all their secrets at once....” - Stephen King


This morning we stopped at Restaurant 23 Jam for roti canai breakfast.

We ate in silence, each loss in own thoughts. Hubby sent me to office and we planned to meet at lunch time. The OD Sector quarterly meeting lasted nearly four hours. By the time we finished, my back was stiff with numbness.

Hubby came at 1 p.m. and we had Nasi Ayam lunch at Aji Don at Sri Hartamas. We met Raymond at his office to choose pattern for the laminated flooring. He followed us to our apartment at Putramas to take measurement of the bedrooms and submit estimates. Felt disappointed that the defects were still not repaired. It has been 3 weeks since we submitted the complaints. In a week's time we have to come again to inspect. Meanwhile, we have to talk to contractors to finalize design and specification.

Tonight, we went to the club to sweat it out, hubby, on the treadmill and I, on the exercise bike. Followed by a round of squash till we're flat exhausted. Then we subject our bodies to the sauna and the steam room until sweat flow like tap water out of our pores. Nasi Ayam Kampung for dinner filled up hungry tummies and replenished lost calories.

Tonight we slept like contented babies and didn't even hear the blaring alarm in the morning.

Monday, 30 May 2005

Restless body and soul...

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength...” - Corrie ten Boom

Tonight, after dinner we went to the clinic to check on the injury on my face. Should have gone to the clinic earlier. Half my face has swollen badly because of allergy to the sting. Not even a bundle of medicines could ease the throbbing in my head.

Tonight, it's not only the head that throbbed badly, the heart was restless too. Tonight I just want to share my feelings. It was not my intention to bring sadness. Nor it is to belittle anyone. I just want to share what I feel. My fear may be baseless but just listen to me for a while. At times like this I need someone to talk to. At times I feel as if I am alone baring the violence world. The paths too narrow, the journey too harsh. I know the best is being done. I never ask for more. But for now, just bear with me...

What's done is done,
it does not require explanation.

What's finished need not be interfered with.
What's past cannot be remade,
there is no point in fixing the blame.

Sunday, 29 May 2005

Exotic jungle wasp...

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty...” - Maya Angelou

Last Thursday morning, I was jolted from my dream and felt a sudden pain and followed by a tremendous itchiness at a spot above my left eyebrow. It was not until I looked in the mirror when I saw a crimson spot spreading across the temple and my left eye was swollen. I tried applying several ointments I could find in the medicine cabinet but the swell only worsen.

It was already three days after I got stung, but my face is still swollen. This must be an allergic reaction to show that my body defense system overreacts and to watch for systemic allergies like headaches, fever, nausea and vomiting. I need to get medical help soon before the allergy become severe. Must be a killer bee or some poisonous insect that got into our house and stung me while I sleep!

Today, whole day, I RIB (rest in bed)…

Saturday, 28 May 2005

Movie galore...

 “Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope...” - Dr. Seuss

We woke up very late and had toast with scrambled eggs for brunch. I got ready to go to the Selayang Capitol to watch movie with Sara and friends. The young scientists walked all the way from Selayang Hospital in the hot sun. Madagascar started early and we missed all the trailers. The movie focus on the 4-central characters of Alex the Lion, Melman the Giraffe, Marty the Zebra and Gloria the Hippo who love their pampered lives in New York’s Brooklyn Zoo. The movie is rather slow in the beginning.

At night, went with Sara to watch another kind of movie, the Star Wars – Revenge of the Sith. This episode 3 of the Star Wars, is about the years of fighting in the Clone Wars where Anakin Skywalker begins his journey towards the Dark Side of the Force, putting his friendship with Obi Wan Kenobi and his marriage at risk.

Friday, 27 May 2005

On home ground...

“Tell the truth, or someone will tell it for you…” - Stephanie Klein

I was still deep in my sleep when I was awakened by hubby's sms from KLIA. As it was really very early in the morning, he went to the surau to solat and later took the ERL to KL Sentral. I fetched him and we drove to Tanglin for nasi lemak breakfast. We only have time to exchange quick updates as he had to send me to work and will pick me up later in the evening. In the office, although already full, I was served with a plate of nasi dagang and kueh-mueh. Someone from the office is going for Umrah next week and want to belanja breakfast for the whole department.

This morning Linda managed to locate Nik Kama and she’s now at the Immigration Department at Johor 2nd link. She apologized for not calling earlier as she lost all contact numbers during her transfer from Jakarta. I’ve not met her since form 5 but her voice is still the same. Talked to her for a while and promised to meet up either in KL or JB.

Thursday, 26 May 2005

Courtesy trips...

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living...” - Dr. Seuss

Yesterday, we had officers from Nigeria to under-study the operations of the Malaysian Payment System. As the integrated banking system is one of their interests, our department had a session with them and we briefed them on the real-time gross settlement and they were quite impressed with our advanced development. We had lunch with them at the Dinar Matahari together with people from the PSD, SPU and the IT.

Today, I received a visit from Mr. Anshur Mittal the owner of Mittal Ltd. India together with Fazli the Malaysian agent and Allan Yeo from Singapore. Mr. Anshur was a soft-spoken guy with a pleasant smile and his humor is quite amusing too. Our brief discussion on the recent order merely touch on production, time line and delivery schedule.

Tuesday, 24 May 2005

Old flames & Ex-beaus...

“Laughter is timeless. Imagination has no age. And dreams are forever…” - Walt Disney Company
Yesterday at the spa we were talking about old flames and ex-beaus and there came out a secret about Dato Nik and Nik Aminah. They are cousins and Dato Nik once asked Nik Aminah's hand in marriage but was rejected. This morning during my meeting with Dato Nik their courting story came out and we had a good laugh with Dato Nik recalling how he followed Nik Aminah on a bicycle after school and how Nik Aminah ignored him totally. Back then, she was beautiful and petite and she had so many admirers.

Reflecting on my own old flames and ex-boyfriends, most of them I could only recall vaguely. For some, I still have vivid memories and we still keep in touch occasionally. And a few have become my best of friends.

Monday, 23 May 2005

Clouds in the sky...

“In a crisis, be aware of the danger, but recognize the opportunity…” -  John F. Kennedy
(Dark clouds looming in the sky)

Today is a public holiday, a replacement for Vesak Day.

Sara and I had murtabak for breakfast. It was filling and hopefully will last after the spa session. Promised Nik Aminah that I will be there after lunch. We expected a lot of people at the spa but the photo shooting session supposed to be in the morning was cancelled. Nik Aminah came when I was in the steamer and we talked while I was having the massage. We updated each other on happenings and news on old friends and wondering where Nik Kama is now. I will locate her one of these days. We heard that she’s back in KL. Sara had tomato facial while waiting for me to finish.

We went to Pak Tam and I tried the famous mi rebus. Not bad at all. Tonight Sara is going to cook cream caramel to bring to office and if she’s in good mood, she’ll cook extra for Ja too...

Sunday, 22 May 2005

Dust in the wind...

“I don't go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me…” - J.K. Rowling

Did some spring-cleaning and gardening in the morning. At noon with Sara headed for Kelana Jaya to attend a wedding. On the Federal Hi-way saw Zila's car and signal to Ali that we were following them but somehow he turned the wrong way and for a while we were lost. We managed to get to the Kelana Jaya Sports Complex some how and met up with others.

After the wedding, we drove to Court 9 to Nor's apartment. Nor arrived from Dubai this afternoon. Niza and the kids arrived a day earlier. They were on a week's holiday and Kak Idah will be following them to Dubai and stay there during the school holiday. It’s going to be very hot and dusty too. I wish I can follow them but I would rather go during winter when the weather is cooler...

Saturday, 21 May 2005

Realities unfold...

“There is no sense of selfishness in the kind of possession I’m talking about…”

Today is one hectic day.

Met up with G at Bidayuh Restaurant for roti canai breakfast. Went to Nor Cahaya Salon early but we have to wait a while as there were potential clients looking at new products. I ended up having my hair shampooed and steamed.

Hubby came home early. We went to KFC for lunch and bought me a pair of sandal to replace my old broken one. We stopped at the Thai massage booth and indulged in an hour of foot reflexology, Siamese style. At home I napped while he packed. Later, we sent him to KL Central where he took the ERL. Hubby's flight was delayed to 8.45 p.m. I was not yet asleep when he sms at 2 a.m. from Dhaka.

Already, I’m missing him…

Wednesday, 18 May 2005

The scars on my face...

“Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been...” - Mark Twain


I was once a hockey player. A good one too. I played for SMKB and SIC and later played for the School of Applied Science in UITM and had collected a few trophies. I started playing hockey when I was in form two. Wasn't really interested in the game initially but after much coaxing from Cikgu Rahman, I found the game interesting and tough. Back then, I was tomboyish and quite energetic, being a mid-fielder I had a lot of stamina.

No one from the gang wanted to join the hockey team, some tried but couldn’t last more than a term. The practice sessions were so regimented and we practiced almost every afternoon after school in the hot sun. We were so suntan and could be mistaken for Red Indian Sioux girls. Mak and Abah were worried about my studies, but they never gave up on me. I skipped classes and did my homework and revision on the hockey field, in between games. Obsessed with hockey, I even sleep with the hockey stick. I had a few good ones but my most treasured was the hand down from Ngah. Unintentionally I'd bruised sheens with that one. Ngah was an ardent hockey player himself and I learned a few tricks from him.

During my hockey era I inherited a few deep scars on my face. I had two stitches near the right eye where a hockey stick hit me during one of the brawls. We won but I ended up in the hospital, blinded for a few days. Other scars were on the brow of the left eye and under the chin. I took a few not-so-serious blows all over my bodies during the years and broken a few glasses too. Of my studies? Thanks to aruah Cikgu Rahman who not only coached the hockey team but who was also a personal tutor to me. When the LCE result was out, Ngah and I was in the middle of nowhere hitch-hiking from KL to Melaka. Cikgu Rahman was the first to break the news to Abah and Mak. By the time I got back to KB, the whole community in Wakaf Mek Zainab knew my result. My LCE result was better than expected!

Monday, 16 May 2005

Friends never say goodbye...

“Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction...”  - Antoine de Saint

You walked beside me in our youth
Your friendship solid and innocent in truth
The sound of your laughter echoed in the air
I remember your smile and the sun in your hair

You walked beside me in our early years
Together we boldly faced our childhood fears
The sky was so blue as we lay in the grass
But just like the sunshine youth never lasts

You walk beside me forever in my heart
As the impish child you were at the start
The memories we share of all the hours we spent
In those summers we had which were heaven sent

You walked beside me in my dreams last night
With a rose in your hands and a face full of light
We sat together beneath the old oak tree
And despite all your sorrows bought comfort to me

(Author unknown)

Sunday, 15 May 2005

Invigorating breakaway...

“None but ourselves can free our minds…” - Bob Marley

I managed to catch a few winks towards crack of dawn.

The morning was peaceful, of course, minus disturbances from sms or phone calls as the phone was off. The gang must have tried to reach me, I promised to have breakfast with some of them. I dozed on and off till noon then realized that I have to drag myself out of bed and get ready. I’d made appointment for this afternoon at Dewi Sri Spa for Sara and me.

It was late afternoon, when we indulged ourselves in the tradition and sensuality of the Balinese Spa. The one and half hour of luxurious traditional massage served as therapeutic healing to the ailing body and as well as the weary soul. Later, we went to the club to loosen up and tried the sauna, the steam room and the Jacuzzi. After all, it was not often that we pamper ourselves with such rituals.

After so much sweat shedding we went for a sumptuous dinner at the bowling café while listening to the jukebox.

Saturday, 14 May 2005

Won’t let sorrow hurt me...

“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle…” -  St. Francis of Assisi

We had breakfast at home. Today’s a working Saturday for Sara and I. Hubby is off today and took the opportunity to send the Stream to the workshop for service. In the office, there were skeleton staff and there's not much work to be done. Went with Sara to pick the laundry and later to Rumpun for nasi campur lunch.

Tonight I couldn’t sleep well, wondering what I have done wrong today. Or what have I not done quite right. My heart felt so forlorn and dejected. As if something was missing, somewhere. But couldn’t really place the root of my sadness. In the middle of the night, a soothing and comforting conversation appeased some of my misery...

Friday, 13 May 2005

Muscle fury...

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it…” - Maya Angelou

Today I drove to Dewi Sri Spa at Plaza Damas for a luxurious hair and scalp treatment.

I made a booking a session of traditional massage on Sunday afternoon for Sara and I. I skipped lunch, as I needed to be in the office at 3 p.m. for a meeting on National Information Security Policy. After maghrib we went to the club to workout and played a few rounds of squash. We cooled off at Spicy Kitchen and had Nan Tandoori for dinner. Suffering from over-stretched muscles and near-torn ligaments, we slept like a log.

In my sleep I dream of Rosemary, Lemongrass and Peppermint blended with Lavender and other pure essential oils used to massage my body to relax and re-energize my tired muscles...

Wednesday, 11 May 2005

Home Improvement...

 “My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best…” - Winston Churchill

We went to Plaza Damas for lunch and later went to Sri Putramas to collect the keys to our apartment. We did a thorough inspection together with the building supervisor and filled up complaint forms. The building management will repair defects within a month from our complaint date. Then only we can start renovating the apartment.

We have not decided to appoint which contractor to carry out the job. Looking at the submitted quotations, we might as well buy another condo with that amount of money.

Tuesday, 10 May 2005

Once a beauty queen...

“As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot...” -  John Lennon

I promised Senator Ubai that I would go out immediately after office and meet her at Kak Mah’s house. Took the elevated hi-way to Ampang and followed the sketched map provided by one of the guys. Ubai was already there with Nik Fauziah when I arrived. Kak Mah didn’t recognize me at first. But after reminiscing about our old days at the girls’ hostel in KB then only she recalled me and the gang. She was different than I used to remember her. If I meet her on the street, I wouldn’t have recognize her at all. She’s single and happy with her life. After taking optional retirement, she spends most of her time doing charity works.

We went to Nik Fauziah's house to pray and then we went out again to Desa Pandan to have Indonesian cuisine for dinner at one of the famous restaurant. Time passed so quickly when we were having fun. By the time we said goodbyes and left the Restaurant, it was already near mid-night. Senator Ubai and I decided to sleep in the Study Room. It was not even seconds after I put my head on the pillow I was past asleep leaving Ubai struggling with her paper works. Her parliament session starts at 10 a.m. tomorrow morning.

Sunday, 8 May 2005

Creatures from outer space...

“Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike…” - J.K. Rowling,

(Termites at our Bidara House)

The morning was spent fighting with tiny creepy aliens. This pestilence of the third kind has invaded my privacy and destroyed my treasured blue jeans. They made lots of noise too, chewing on the woods and whatever they could get their mandibles on. It is time to spray the whole house with insecticide. The last time we called the Pest Control Team was a long time ago.

Today we’ve made appointment with a few contractors to view our apartment and asked estimates for the renovation. We stayed there till dusk. Went to 1-Utama for Laksa dinner and bought some fragrance sticks for our bedroom and Lavender is still my favorite scent.

HaPpY MoThEr’S dAy

Saturday, 7 May 2005

In high spirit...

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards”

Some of Sara’s old schoolmates slept over last night. They were going to a friend’s wedding in JB and Saufi volunteered to be the driver. I got ready early as well. I will be meeting him at Kg Baru workshop at 9 a.m.

We went to Safari Lagoon at Pandan Perdana for the department’s family day. Most of the staff were already there when we arrived. They had started with some games in the water for children and adults. We have plenty of prizes to be won for all. We didn’t stay for lunch, as we want to be in Melaka early. Abah was well and I was glad that he could see clearly now after the operation.

Started off to KL after having tea with Mak and Abah. We stopped at Sate kajang for dinner but it was not as good as it used to be.

Friday, 6 May 2005

The Beauty of a Woman...

“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition…” - Marilyn Monroe

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears
The figure that she carries or the way she combs her hair
The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes
Because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides

The beauty of a woman is not a facial mole
But true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul
It is the caring she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows
The beauty of a woman with passing years, o
nly grows and grows...

Thursday, 5 May 2005

Predictable kismet...

“Experience is merely the name men gave to their mistakes…” - Oscar Wilde

Amah called to inform that Abah would be undergoing minor surgery this afternoon to remove cataract from one eye.

Lately he’s been complaining that he couldn’t see well. We decided to go back to Melaka this weekend when we heard that Abah was well after the surgery and recuperating at home.

Today, a school bus hit us from behind. The car we were in was not even ours. It was the workshop’s car we borrowed while the Spectra is being repaired. What bad luck!

Tuesday, 3 May 2005

Noxious threat...

“It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more...” -  J.K. Rowling

The Director and I met with Dr. Aini from Strategic Planning Unit to discuss on transformative planning. The session was more to judge suitability and compatibility of Director’s competencies and skills to address job challenges in the department.

On more worrying issue, the Spectra’s air-con has been emitting pungent smell when the thermostat for the heater is used. Need to send the car to the workshop soonest. If not, someone may pass out while driving the car, inhaling poisonous gas.

Monday, 2 May 2005

I’ve made my choices...

“I am coming to terms with the fact that loving someone requires a leap of faith, and that a soft landing is never guaranteed…” - Sarah Dessen

As I travel through life's journey
With each step along the way,
There are Choices I encounter
As I go from day to day.
As my journey takes me onward
And I venture on my own,
Friends come along to guide me
And I never am alone.

Yet there always will be Choices
That are mine alone to make.
But with life's lessons along the way
I will know what path to take.

~nita carranza~

Sunday, 1 May 2005

A cancelled Open House...

“Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened…” - Winston Churchill

Met with G and a few others at Sri Hartamas and had roti chanai for breakfast. Went to the club to indulge in sauna and Japanese steam bath. Later, we played a round of bowling.

Sara was still asleep when I reached home. Went to have late lunch at Mc D. Today we were supposed to go to Bukit Rimau for Haza’s open house. But last night Rok passed the news that the open house was cancelled, as Haza had to rush her daughter to Hospital. Later we went to PMC to visit Haza's cute little girl. Mariam was active and well even though she has just undergone minor operation for hernia late last night. At the age of 18 months, she is small and looks as if she's only 6 months old.

Tonight we were so lazy to go out so I ended up having egg sandwich and Sara had maggie for dinner.