About Me

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I am married to my loving husband for more than 38 years now. I am a mother to 3 beautiful children, until 11 years ago when I lost my youngest son. Since then my life is forever altered but yet unbroken....

Sunday, 26 December 2010

Our thoughts are with you...

"Dear Mirza Ashran Mustafa, thinking of you on your 25th birthday with sadness in our hearts…"

(Mirwan & Mirza)

Another birthday, another year,
With precious memories of you,
Thoughts today of our lives together,
Hold a love that will live forever

We cannot send a birthday card,
Your hand we cannot touch,
But God will take our greetings
To you we love so much...

Monday, 20 December 2010

Everything happens for a reason…

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it..." 

A morning in bed with nothing to do but read a story book, eating toasts spread with peanut butter, sounded like heaven to me. But today I woke up very early because I have a date with a few of my close friends.

I drove early in the hot humid morning expecting the constant chaotic traffic jam but I was surprised that the road was quite deserted. The normal uncertainty of daily life all combined to drive people to the edge of madness was not visible even though it was a Monday. My driving was not at its best in the rain. I arrived at Kota Warisan in a wet, overcast morning after fetching Bee and Sidah and later we went to the Salak Tinggi ERL station to fetch Kid.

We were too early but Sariah’s delicious cooking was ready for consumption. We mused over long forgotten stories and updated each other of life happenings. Those friends of mine have a lot to talk about, maintaining a facade that revealed nothing of their inner thoughts or feelings. But through their eyes I could see their emotion had been flushed out of the depths. The life that went on in its muted fashion, lay stranded and squirming in the subconscious mind buried long ago was once again unspooling. In the end, however, the pieces were starting to fall together.

(SMKB friends: Nong, Kid, Bee, Sariah and Sidah)
There is a saying: in life, we receive what we give. That all our actions reflect back upon us, either in this world or in the subsequent ones. All of us are subject to the law of karma, but we don't have to be imprisoned by it.

Remember, life is too short for regrets...

Sunday, 19 December 2010

Riding in the rain to Tg Lumpur…

"I love the rain - it washes memories off the sidewalk of life..."

On Saturday we had lunch at Dewan Risda in Ampang and later in the evening, we had dinner at Tanjung Lumpur Pahang, 260 km away from KL.

The afternoon was bright and clear when we started riding. When we stopped at the R&R for a cup of coffee, the sky had begun to fill up with clouds, it was ominously dark on the horizon. A full moon was high in the sky as we rode in the rain to Tanjung Lumpur for dinner. The ride back to KL was smoother and drier and we reached home way after mid-night.

Riding in the rain has a relaxing and calming effect. But that night I found it difficult to sleep as the coffee was beginning to burn a hole in my stomach.

Some ride in the rain
To wash away their tears
Yearning for days of yesterday
Never shifting gears

So when the rain is upon them
When they hear the thunder crack
They go for a ride to cleanse their spirit
To get their life back on track…

Wednesday, 15 December 2010

Not forgotten, nor forgiven...

"Resentment is a psychological cancer, anger with extreme form of grievance can burden the mind and block all senses..."

Over the three decades in the organization I have made many friends and I don't deny that over those years I made enemies too by virtue of me being who I was and who I am now. I am saddened for the hurt that I had inflicted, be it work related or personal, intentionally or not. But I am more saddened to realize that some people harbored the feeling of hurt for many many years and had not let it passed.

I have forgotten and I have forgiven, for this life is too short my friend...

Friday, 10 December 2010

No sense of order…

"The price one pays for pursuing any profession, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side. What is needed is a sense of order and purpose..."

I woke up earlier than usual that morning. The sun had just slipped above the horizon, leaving the sky the color of fire when I drove out of the parking lot of my Putramas apartment.

The meeting with the lawyers was brief. By now the lawyers would have memorized the details and would have been able to prepare the affidavit for me to sign. Without proper documentations my memory is blank. If I could induce a complete enough silence in my conscious mind, it is possible that a memory lost would appear to fill the space. To make things worse, my subpoena could not be located. And how am I to attend the court case without that piece of blue paper.

Anger is an indulgence I could not afford now...

(Another case, another episode)

Tuesday, 7 December 2010

Tinged with sadness...

"The people who think they are happy should rummage through their dreams..." — Edward Dahlberg

Even as a child she had lived her own small life all within herself.

Kid is one of my closest of friends, one of the BV gang. Kid was once a big part of my life for a long time, from standard one to form five. A part of me will always care for her, and she can never deceive nor lie to me. I felt a powerful kinship with her, an emotional bond that was tinged with a terrible sadness, recognition of the wound inside her that could never truly be healed. She was not on my radar for many years but hubby and I managed to track her in Wellington NZ. The last time I met her in KL was when her husband retired from the Consulate. I have not seen nor heard from her since.

And today is her birthday. Not being in contact in many years, I assumed that she is still using her old number. My birthday wish was not acknowledged till very late evening when I received a short reply from an unknown number.

All of sudden, this emotion stood between us, silently acknowledged perhaps but never articulated…

(BV friends forever)

Yesterday brought the beginning,
tomorrow brings the end,
and somewhere in the middle
we became the best of friends...

Sunday, 5 December 2010

Singapore Duck Tour...

"Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling..." - Margaret Lee Runbeck 

We went for a day trip to Singapore and it was sunny and bright throughout the day.

It was late when we started to board the bus from JB Central. We took the MRT from Keranji to Raffles City and bought tickets for the duck tour where an hour-long journey on land and water brought us close to Singapore's famous skyline, historical landmarks and fantastic bay view.

(Fitri & Sara @ Merlion Statue)
(The Esplanade in the background)
(3 black boys taking a dip in Singapore river)

My Overseas Travel: munmus.blogspot.com

Saturday, 4 December 2010

Bikers' Dreams...

Johor International Bikers Fest
(3 - 5 December 2010)

Some of the pictures taken at the bikers' fest in JB using my new Blackberry Torch....

Thursday, 2 December 2010

Cause of Peace and freedom...

"Patriotism is not a short and frenzied outburst of emotion but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime..."

Our plan to have ayam kampung lunch at Tugu View Café was cancelled as we were a little too late. But our second choice of ayam kampung lunch at Cheras Velodrome was not that bad too. As the weather was good, we brought Hana to visit the National Monument and allowed her to sweat out a bit after having cooped up and down with fever for almost a week

(The first National Monument)

The Cenotaph is the original national monument standing 15 meters high at the upper entrance of the Tugu Negara, on a 7 stepped rectangular base. This granite structure was first built in 1921 to remember the fallen heroes of the World War I, World War II and the Malayan Emergency.

(Ascending slow and steady)

Tugu Negara, which is also 15 meters tall was constructed in 1966, was designed by an Austrian sculptor, Felix de Weldon, The monument depicts huge tall bronze figures of soldiers standing and supporting their fallen comrades. In 1975, the monument suffered extensive damage due to an explosion and was restored 2 years later to its original state with the new Malaysian looks replacing the Caucasian statues.

(Exhausted but happy)

The National Monument is dedicated to the heroic fighters in the cause of peace and freedom, May the blessing of Allah be upon them...

Wednesday, 1 December 2010

Past, present and future...

"It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers..." - James Thurber

The day was full of sunlight and hope.

The whole day yesterday I was feeling miserable. The flu virus is attacking my every bone. There was no despondency when I fell asleep last night; nor was there anticipation of getting better when I awoke this morning.

A few close friends were supposed to join me at my spa late evening today but last minute decision was made to meet up early at the Lanai. Listening to some updates and new initiatives made me feel like I have been away for years. We mostly discussed about everything non-work related. As there were a few retirees among us, there were attempts to compare how much one is getting for gratuities, golden handshake and the like.

When asked about mine and my future plan, I answered questions with friendly evasiveness, not with any fixed idea to mislead them. Jokingly I told them that all sense of reality had gone out of my life. I have abandoned myself to fate, and awaited the consequences with indifference. The past was nothing to me as it offered no lesson which I am willing to heed. The present alone is significant and the future is a mystery which I would never attempt to penetrate.

(Array of silverware @ Lanai Kijang)

The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be…

Sunday, 28 November 2010

Riding the coastal route…

"The voyage of discovery lies not in finding new landscapes but in having new eyes..." - Marcel Proust

This stretch of coastal road from Morib to Tanjung Sepat is still secluded and the shores and waters are still unknown and untouched, which makes it a perfect secluded ‘hide away’ destination.

(Riding on the state road)

We started around 11am and took the NKVE route from KL to Klang. From then on, we rode leisurely on the state road from Klang passed Morib beach to Bagan Lalang. We stopped to rest and had a late lunch. We thought of spending the night there but without a reservation, there was no room available at the newly opened sea hotel.

(Hotel rooms on stilts)
(Windy breeze billowing curtains) 

Golden Palm Tree hotel is a spectacular five star water villa resort that stretches out nearly one km into the sea facing the sheltered waters of the straits of Malacca. The breathtaking beach hotel rooms are presented in semi-detached and detached design of Polynesian-Maldivian styles with a touch of tropical Malaysian finishing that blends with the local surroundings.

(No rooms available)

We rode towards PD, stopped for tea and pisang goreng at a small warong then rode towards Seremban and headed back to KL via a wet ride on the LEKAS highway. We had a late dinner at Restaurant Ayam Kampung Bandariya at Solaris.

Friday, 26 November 2010

House-warming party…

"Home is where friendships are formed and families are grown where joy is shared and true love is known..."

I picked 4 boxes of my favorite carrot walnut cakes from Suanson early in the morning. 2 boxes were brought to Sidah’s house-warming gathering at Shah Alam, the rest will be for my own consumption.

(Best of friends: Sidah, Nong and Nik Aminah)

Sidah had invited some close friends and office mates to her new house and we had a simple majlis baca yasin and tahlil. Later in the afternoon we had hi-tea of much delicious food.

(Plenty of fruits too)

Every house where love abides
And friendship is a guest,
Is surely home, and home sweet home
For here the heart can rest...

~H. Van Dyke~

Saturday, 20 November 2010

Riding under the moon's shadow…

"Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart..." - Confusious

We joined a convoy of 20 Vulcans for a day trip to Pasir Panjang, Negeri Sembilan, a hutan lipur about 20 km from Port Dickson. The event was organized and sponsored by Welly Advance Bikers. The convoy was accompanied by 6 experienced Marshalls astride Kawasaki GTR 1400 to guide and ensure the convoy’s safety on the road.

(Bikes waiting in line)
(Ready to move)
(Refueling @ first pit stop)

It was raining heavily when we started the ride from Batu Caves. After the first pit stop for refueling, the day turned sunny and bright all the way. The ride was smooth and we reached Pasir Panjang around 6pm. We had delicious seafood dinner at the 'ikan bakar' restaurant by the seaside while watching the sunset. We had our maghrib prayers in the open gazebo. I wished the public washroom was as clean as the ones in the Australian outback.

(Vulcan owners group photo)
(A beautiful sunset @ Pasir Panjang)

The convoy started riding back around 8pm, under the full moon's shadow. We reached KL quite early and the gang had ‘yum cha’ at Shangra Island Bar before we rode home…

Saturday, 13 November 2010

A card on my 55th birthday...

"To some, romance means candlelight dinner and roses..."

Gifts are special, but they fade with time
To me, romance is simply being with you,
Sharing each special moment together, day after day.

I know in my heart that you’ll always be here for me,
And that’s the best gift you could ever give me.
You’re wonderful in every way,
And that’s why I’ll always be here for you, too.

You mean everything to me.
I love you and I’m wishing you all the happiness in the world
With all my love today, tomorrow and always
From: Mus

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

Another journey, a new story...

"Life can be a comedy or a tragedy, it all depends on how you look at it..."

In June 1980, I set out on a journey and I didn't have a clue as to how my journey will end. But that's all right…

It was indeed 30 odd years ago that I came nerve-wrecked to Investment Department on the 12th floor of block C, the only tower block of BNM at that time. 23 years later, and after a series of promotions, I moved to Currency Department at Block D. Had I known then what a roller coaster ride I was in for when I joined BNM, I might have shivered in my shoes even more or turned right round and headed out. But I was blessed with ignorance then and continued until where I am today.

Like I said, I am a person of few words, but I do want to tell everyone how much I have appreciated the experience with some of the major achievements, not to forget the disasters and issues befallen on us over the years that make these two departments so special – not just the business side, but the pleasure of fun and laughter we have had – to say nothing of the pressure and the long nights laboring away at last minute management reports and memos– I think that’s what I am going to miss most!

I am leaving but I will be watching the progress from far with interest and I shall indeed look forward to hear the success of the introduction of the new series. I am certain those left will all go the mile to achieve far better results. My wish is for all to do the best as one in comradeship, have faith in teamwork and an abiding passion for details.

As for me, what I leave behind is not as important as what I will be embarking in life. Time is my companion, it reminds me to cherish each moment, because when it passes, it will never come again...

(A bouquet of roses for the retiree...)

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

End of the road...

"The road of life twists and turns. No two directions are ever the same..."

I will be retiring soon...

It's the end of the road but it's not the end of my journey. I'll do those things I always wanted to do but never had the time, indulge in hobbies and interests to keep my mind and body active. My wish is for the best of health and hope that the days ahead be better than days gone past...
(A shadow of the travelers)

Though here at journey's end I lie
In darkness buried deep,
Beyond all towers strong and high,
Beyond all mountains steep,
Above all shadows rides the Sun
And Stars for ever dwell.
I will not say the Day is done,
Nor bid the Stars farewell.

(J. R. R. Tolkien)

My Overseas Travel: munmus.blogspot.com

Saturday, 23 October 2010

Land of the Pharaohs...

"The Egyptian belief that to speak the name of the dead is to make him live again..."

Tonight, hubby and I will be flying to the land of the Pharaohs. We'll be gone for almost 2 weeks to explore the sacred places embodied through art and architecture.

We have been there before. We are again to visit one of the Seven Wonders of the World and explore the untamed mystery of the ancient cradle of civilization.

My overseas travel blog: Egypt - Ancient civilization

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

Cruising the mighty Nile…

"Do people travel to get away from others or do they travel to get away from themselves?"

Over the years I have had plenty of first hand travelling experience with joy and fun in many destinations and dread and anxiety in a few. The truth is I am passionate to travel anywhere on earth and the feeling of dread and anxiety is mostly in the mind.

Today while clearing the drawers I found some scribbles in an old notebook relating to a trip to Egypt which we took in December, 1998. Reading them again, I realized that there are many more places in this mysterious land of pyramids and mummies with over 3000 years worth of history that we have not ventured.

We have to start packing our back-packs now. By next weekend we'll be away and spend almost two weeks in the land of the Pharaohs. And this time we are not going to miss cruising the mighty Nile between Cairo and Luxor, or maybe up to Aswan.

It is a unique trip of a life time, an experience I don't want to miss…

(1998 - Family trip to Cairo & Alexandria)

My Overseas Travel: munmus.blogspot.com

Monday, 11 October 2010

Ride into the sunset...

I got a used leather jacket
And an old pair of boots
With holes in the soles
And my 501 blues
have seen better of days

So I pack my bags
And ride into the sunset
I don’t know where I’m gonna go
But that don’t matter at all

I got bad reputation
and a story to match,
so leave me alone
The wind at my heels
And the sound of my wheels
keep me going

Yes I'm gonna be all right

- Living On the edge -
 (White Lion)

Thursday, 7 October 2010

Look back with no remorse...

"Just be yourself. Because life is too short to be someone else..."

My retirement date is coming close. While I take stock of my financial resources, am I really prepared psychologically?

I was smiling happy with myself while going through the long check-list of things to do before I leave the work place for good. Today my wallet felt a little lighter when I cancelled the corporate cards and Club membership. For now I am not sure whether or not I will be missing those privileges and benefits. For me, wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants. A side thought which seems superficial, and never really blends with or adds to my life style, renewed or discarded.

If I really want something, I will find a way. If I don't, I will find an excuse…

(My new ride - Kawasaki VN900)

Wednesday, 6 October 2010

Rebel against the world...

"Everything will be all right in the end. If it is not all right then it is not the end..."

We met with old friends at a wedding reception and had a fun time updating happenings.

When asked about our plan for our retirement, we told them about our passion for the 4x4 and biking activities and we were surprised to learn that some others have the same interests.

The rest of our friends jokingly indicated that the change of lifestyle is most probably the sign of a midlife crisis. Of course, there is no conclusive evidence but any one may display any behaviours. It’s a matter of personal choice. We told them we may go out and buy ourselves a whole new wardrobe and create a whole new look which seems to have nothing to do with the boy/girl they have known for the last however-many years or decades.

Getting a nose ring or a tattoo may be part of our rebellion against the world...

Friday, 1 October 2010

You're a big girl now...

'I wish memories were like text messages so that I could delete the ones I don’t like..." 

I was meaning to sms to Iwan and Ella to wish Happy Birthday to Hana early in the morning yesterday...

I had a little lurch in my heart when late last night dear hubby asked whether I had wished happy birthday to our little grand-daughter. Hana is one year old yesterday and it became apparent that this grandmama forgot to wish her happy birthday.

So this is my greeting of love
And with it best wishes too
And I hope that your birthday
Is a happy one for you

In the years ahead I wish
Good things your days will bring
Health, happiness and good times
And the best of everything…

Thursday, 30 September 2010

Living in the moment…

"When we are dreaming alone it is only a dream. When we are dreaming with others, it is the beginning of reality..." - D H Camara

(Dreams are for dreamers...)

I need to be still, and listen to the calling of my own heart.

My work is stressful at times. Often I will find my plate overly full and feel as though I'm drowning. For now I am taking everything in stride. Days when I find myself extremely stressed with work, I try to remind myself that it's going to be over soon. I want to follow my dreams and pursue my passions. Life is far too short to wish I could do things later. I want to do it now so I can at least say I tried. I want to do what I love. It's what makes me tick.

I should be grateful for what is already in my life. Like all else, I am trying to live in the moment…

Monday, 27 September 2010

Never blame the rainbows...

Never blame the rainbows for the rain,
learn to forget the memories that cause you pain…

The sun refused to shine again today, but I am feeling ok…

It was not only the climate that was bad the past few days, dear hubby was feeling under the weather too with his high fever and bleeding nose. Last Saturday we were supposed to go for a 4x4 trip to Ulu Slim and plan to stay overnight at the camp site. The trip was cancelled when we were told that the road to the camp site was made inaccessible. The small bridge was damaged and an attempt to cross the river by any other means may get us stuck in the jungle for days.

On Sunday, the sky was a little cloudy but he was feeling a little better. We decided to drive to Genting Highlands for a fresh mountain air. We had lunch at Awana. The lamb chop and sirloin steak tasted better that the ones served in Lanai Kijang. We had the opportunity to try out my new Nikon D5000 which I have not even had the time to read the manual.

(Coffee House @ Awana Genting)
 (Lamb Chop)
(Sirloin Steak)
(Waiting for the flight)

Sunday, 26 September 2010

Life is a running race...

"The meaning of life is to give life a meaning..."

(Genting Highlands vibrant colors)

Melody Fair

Who is the girl with the crying face,
looking at millions of signs?
She knows that life is a running race,
Her face shouldn't show any line.

Melody Fair won't you comb your hair?
You can be beautiful too.
Melody Fair , remember you're only a woman.
Melody Fair, remember you're only a girl.

Who is the girl at the window pane,
watching the rain falling down?
Melody, life isn't like the rain;
its just like a merry go round...

(The Bee Gees)

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

A distinct sense of déjà vu…

"There is a saying: stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget..."

(Pulau Tioman - 2003)

I am most of the time stupid and at times wise but never naive. I am naturally a compassionate person, void of bitterness. I don't forgive, I just get even.

I suffered a dull sense of monotonous familiarity. An impression of having experienced something catastrophic before. At time like this I wish for my memory to be blank for this memory caused mental disturbances and would again drag me into a sense of helplessness, anger dissolved in the feeling of disbelief. Of being thrown into the abyss of dark pit where not a molecule of cell could survive. Where love replaces hatred, doubt replaces certainty, dream replaces reality. A betrayal of trust, shattering fragile emotions, wiping away precious shared happiness. A life replaced by bottled grief of emotional vacuum.

If this life is to be lived all over again, I would choose another more mundane and ordinary…

Sunday, 19 September 2010

Refocus my energy…

"A poor man is not he who is without a cent, but he who is without a dream..."

I have been thinking and dreaming a lot lately. As the year draws to a close, I am gearing up for my last day in office and it's time for a new beginning.

I have live long enough to encounter my mid-life, a phase I may want to deny but cannot escape. And I am comfortably stuck where I am now.

The mid-way of life is a thoughtful time to be. I am talking as if I am going to live for another 100 years. For all you know, I may die tomorrow! But I guess now is a good time to reflect and refocus my energy. People said that I dream of the impossible. But these dreams are the essence of my happiness.

(Revved up for the road)

I Believe....
That it's taking me a long time
To become the person I want to be...

Thursday, 16 September 2010

Rules to live by…

“Get smart, forever enjoy!”

Given the many rules to live by, they should be pretty philosophical. But I would stick to those simple words written by my favorite teacher in my autograph book, long years ago.

If I could recall and recreate situations in my life, I would bring back the feelings and emotions I had at that time. I realized then, that this is the only life I will ever have. It is my only chance to get it right. The young me was afraid to venture out, to test myself when it comes to my dreams and ambitions. Deep down I knew I have the ability to do more. I was afraid of change, afraid of rocking the boat, afraid of the unknown. Then, I was imagining the worst possible thoughts and feelings I will ever experience in life..

Lead by so many rules to live by, I, so far have lived and will die by norms of behavior that guided my dreams. I am not going to lament on doubts or regrets about how I lived my life and will not bewail the things I wish I would have done better…

(these rules are not mine)