About Me

My photo
I am married to my loving husband for more than 38 years now. I am a mother to 3 beautiful children, until 11 years ago when I lost my youngest son. Since then my life is forever altered but yet unbroken....

Friday, 24 February 2006

Resume normal life...

“Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much…” - Helen Keller

This morning Dr. Arumugam showed me the result of the Angiogram test. The x-ray images clearly showed a constriction of the vessel entering the heart that caused the blood not flowing properly. According to him the condition got nothing to do with high cholesterol level or high blood pressure– it is just my anatomy. I could’ve had this constriction since birth without me knowing about the defect. Doctor advised for me to resume normal activities and go on with life. Avoid stressful activities and take care of my diet. I was relieved with the result. My follow-up check-up will be in six months time.

Back in the ward, after the nurse checked bleeding at the insertion site and my blood pressure, I had a hearty breakfast and slept the whole morning…


Thursday, 23 February 2006

My Angiogram test...

“Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm…” - Winston Churchill
We arrived at Pantai medical Centre before 9 a.m. Datuk Dr Arumugam briefed us of the procedure and explained the reasons for the angiogram. To see if there is a blockage or narrowing in a blood vessel that may interfere with the normal flow of blood through the body. I sign papers to allow the doctor to treat a blocked blood vessel without surgery at the same time the angiogram is performed. The risk of a heart attack during the procedure is 1 in a million. As I just had my full medical examination a week ago and based on the test results, there’s no need to perform blood tests to determine my blood’s ability to clot or to assess my kidney function. I am ready for the Angiogram test.

Early this morning the nurse called to remind me not to eat or drink anything within 6 hours of my Angiogram which is scheduled in the afternoon. I was warded in a single room, cozy with simple amenities and with a visitors’ adjoining room. The nurses prepared me for the operation. Once cleaned and shaved, saline and other medications were administered through IV to prepare for any allergic reactions.

At 2 p.m. I was rolled out of the room to the 1st floor. Hubby kissed me outside the operation room as he’s not allowed to be with me. Dr Arumugam and the radiologist were ready for me. The test took place in a room equipped with a specialized x-ray machine. The Angiogram could be done by inserting a catheter into the artery in the groin or in the arm. And I prefered it done through the arm. Before the insertion, the doctor applied local anesthetic to numb the area at my wrist and then made a tiny puncture to reach the artery with a hollow needle, later the doctor advanced a thin wire through the needle, threaded a catheter over the wire, and guided it to the desired location i.e. my heart.

While the procedure was carried out, images were projected on a video screen above my head to show the catheter as it moved through my arteries. Once the catheter was positioned properly, a contrast dye was injected. I felt slight shock, a brief, mild warm feeling as it entered my bloodstream. The doctor took more x-ray images to see how the contrast was flowing through my arteries. During the test, the doctor asked me to lie perfectly still to prevent sudden movements from blurring the x ray pictures. The procedure took over an hour, it was painful and uncomfortable. I was relieved when it’s over. The doctor removed the catheter and insertion site was pressed tightly to stop bleeding. The doctor explained the preliminary readings of the images and showed the area where my blood vessel was slightly constricted before it enters the heart. Tomorrow, I will know the full result.

After the test, I was rolled back to my room. Hubby was there waiting for me and I was glad to see him and informed him of the result. Although worried, he was relieved. The medical team monitored me throughout the rest of the day and night. I have to keep my punctured arm straight to minimize bleeding. I was asked to drink a lot of fluids to prevent dehydration and flush the dye from my kidneys.

During the night, hubby slept on the bed with me holding me close...

Wednesday, 22 February 2006

Fight my depression...

“Reality is frequently inaccurate…” - Douglas Adams

Linda has already fixed the appointment for my Angiogram Test and the GL was ready for collection. Although feeling depressed, I went on with work as usual. There were a lot of meetings to attend to and drafts to clear. By the end of the day I had cleared all outstanding matters and was very pleased with myself.

Tonight while holding each other close, I made hubby promise to take care of the kids if something bad is to happen to me. I know he doesn’t like me to talk this way but not knowing what to expect can be very frustrating and frightening.

I just want you to know that I love you very much, yang…

Saturday, 18 February 2006

Unburden my heart...

“You have to die a few times before you can really live...”- Charles Bukowski

We slept late again last night. The news about my heart condition has shocked the both of us. I was feeling very miserable and sad…

Early in the morning, after drinking a cup of Nescafe, not wanting to stay in the apartment and feel sorry for myself, I called up a friend to cheer me up. We met up at Ikea and later watched an old movie at 1-Utama.

Tonight, we drove back to our Bidara House. Iwan came home earlier after a date with Ella and Sara came much later after watching PGL- the musical with her friends.

Friday, 17 February 2006

Shocking news...

“We pretend to be strong because we are weak...” - Paulo Coelho

My medical result is out today. I reached Pantai medical Centre early. Went up to 7th floor before a nurse brought me to Block B. Datuk Dr Arumugam was on his round to check patients so I had to wait for a while. I was the first to see the doctor. Dr Aru took time to explain to me about the result. Overall, the result was good, better than last year. My blood pressure was normal. Cholesterol level was good. Mammogram and Pap smear test were normal. I was surprised that the cyst on my left breast has also disappeared. X-ray was ok and no abnormal findings from the abdominal ultra-sound.

But when it came to reading the result from the stress test, the doctor was cautious to read the result and took time to explain to me the reading from the ECG. The result shows that I have coronary artery spasm, which is caused by inadequate oxygen levels (ischemia) of the heart. The doctor explained to me that the affected arteries may either be blocked or constricted. He asked whether I have experienced any chest pain lately. Once or twice, as far as I could remember. According to him, spasm may be silent without symptoms but prolonged spasm may even cause a heart attack. He advised for me to undergo the Angiogram test for further evaluation before he could confirm my heart condition.

Back in the office, I headed to the CafĂ© for a lunch date with Zila. When asked about my medical result I told her of the complications. I couldn’t concentrate during the Section Head meeting and excused myself early to go home to be with dear hubby.

I was feeling helpless again…

Wednesday, 15 February 2006

PGL – the musical...

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved…” - Helen Keller

Tonight we went to Istana Budaya to watch Puteri Gunung Ledang- The Musical. The play brings to life the beloved tale that is as old as time with a burst of theatrical magic. See the glory of 15th Century Melaka unfold before your very eyes. Breathtaking sets, resounding chorus lines, pulsating rhythms and spirited contemporary choreography combine in a fury of staggering imagination to bring you a night to remember.

Be immersed in the soaring love story between an invincible warrior and the beauty who tamed his heart. Feel the pain of two yearning souls. And then wonder at the dilemma tearing them apart between loyalty and desire as the sweeping award-winning epic is stunningly adapted live on stage.

Tuesday, 14 February 2006

The Regal Heritage...

“Education is our passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today…” - Malcolm X

The announcement to launch the Songket coins was made last Friday and came much too late for us. Although the theme and the design were approved last year, TV3 has been postponing the launching. As we were unsure of the date, the minting of the Songket coins was put on hold to cater for more urgent jobs. Over the weekend, the team was busy preparing press statement and monitoring the minting production. All in all, we managed to have some stock in hand in case we need to present these coins to VVIP.

The commemorative coins are available in a set of three, gold, silver and bi-metal and a set of two. The Songket coins have a common observe design, which depicts Songket pattern with the words, "Songket Seni Warisan Agung," and "Songket the Regal Heritage." The reverse side of the coin features the face value and one of the three most popular motifs which are commonly used on Songket. The gold coin depicts the Tampuk Kesemak motif while the silver coin depicts the Bunga Bintang motif and the bi-metal coin depicts the Bunga Ketola motif.

Within the short notice, we hand-delivered invitations, rushed delivery of coins and special casings for presentation to the Prime Minister tonight during the launching at Sri Pentas TV3 amidst thunderstorm and heavy rain. Some got stuck in the traffic jam and only arrived after the event.

Sunday, 12 February 2006

Tour de Langkawi...

“But when the strong were too weak to hurt the weak, the weak had to be strong enough to leave...” - Milan Kundera

Last night we spent the night at our Bidara House. Ella’s parents were in KL to send her stuff and they stayed the night at our Putramas Apartment.

When we came back to the apartment, they already left. Ella’s parents promised to meet up with her sister and brother-in-law for lunch at Insaf Restaurant. We met them after sending some jeans for repair at the Pertama Kompleks. There was a large crowd at Jalan TAR as people waited to watch the Tour de Langkawi. We waited for a while and got a glimpse of the cyclists but were forced to seek for shelter when it started to rain heavily. Due to the torrential downpour, visibility problems and slippery road, the final stage was ultimately cancelled.

We went to 3R at Sri Hartamas for a full body massage and later had clay-pot rice for dinner.

Saturday, 11 February 2006

Break the silent...

 “They say when you are missing someone that they are probably feeling the same..."

Well, it's been some days since I talk to dear hubby.

Communication was intermittently through brief sms. The silence between us was unbearable. When he came from outstation, he looked tired and sad. He said he has not been well the past few days. I said I was not feeling well too. We stayed in bed for a while, holding each other close and put the misery we had gone through the past few days out of our mind.

Yang, let us be strong to face the world...

Wednesday, 8 February 2006

Lost Saviour...

“Every deep thinker is more afraid of being understood than of being misunderstood…” - Friedrich Nietzsche

Lost Saviour
'Lust for one you love
Is like a garden flower
That must be pruned and weeded
Before it yields its treasure.

Years refine its grace,
But only with devotion
And much imagination
To freshen the familiar.

But, ah! what then the freedom
That comes alone from giving
And knowing that your wishes
Will be your lover’s pleasure!

For in the utmost chamber
Lust is quickly sated
While love still craves redemption,
Ever the lost savior.

(Nick G)

Tuesday, 7 February 2006

Medical Check-up...

“We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are…” - Bill Watterson

It’s time for my annual medical check-up. I was very early. They took my urine and blood samples. I did the stress test, hearing and eye test. Then they made me drink a jug of water to fill my bladder– that was for the ultra-sound examination. Later I had my chest x-rayed and did my mammogram and pap smear test. As Dr. Ng was on long leave, I had Datuk Dr. Arumugan to do the physical check-up on me.

The full results of the medical check-up would only be ready next week. Already I feel depressed and worried...

Saturday, 4 February 2006

Memoir of a geisha...

 “Just because something is beautiful doesn´t mean it´s good…” - Alex Flinn

Today, I promised a friend to meet up for lunch and later watch a movie at 1-Utama.

Memoir of a Geisha is about an impoverished nine-year-old named Chiyo from a fishing village is sold to a geisha house in Kyoto's Gion district and subjected to cruel treatment from the owners and the head geisha. Her stunning beauty attracts the vindictive jealousy of Hatsumomo, until she is rescued by and taken under the wing of Hatsumomo's bitter rival, Mameha. Under Mameha's mentorship, Chiyo becomes the geisha named Sayuri, trained in all the artistic and social skills a geisha must master in order to survive in her society.

As a renowned geisha she enters a society of wealth, privilege, and political intrigue. As World War II looms Japan and the geisha's world are forever changed by the onslaught of history.