Pahang - Never blame the rainbows...

Never blame the rainbows for the rain,

learn to forget the memories that cause you pain…

(Sirloin Steak)

The sun refused to shine again today, but I am feeling ok…

It was not only the climate that was bad the past few days, dear hubby was feeling under the weather too with his high fever and bleeding nose. Last Saturday we were supposed to go for a 4x4 trip to Ulu Slim and plan to stay overnight at the camp site. The trip was cancelled when we were told that the road to the camp site was made inaccessible. The small bridge was damaged and an attempt to cross the river by any other means may get us stuck in the jungle for days.

On Sunday, the sky was a little cloudy but he was feeling a little better. We decided to drive to Genting Highlands for a fresh mountain air. We had lunch at Awana. The lamb chop and sirloin steak tasted better that the ones served in Lanai Kijang. We had the opportunity to try out my new Nikon D5000 which I have not even had the time to read the manual.

(Coffee House @ Awana Genting)

 (Lamb Chop)

(Waiting for the flight)

Life is a running race...

"The meaning of life is to give life a meaning..."

(Genting Highlands vibrant colors)

Melody Fair

Who is the girl with the crying face,

looking at millions of signs?

She knows that life is a running race,

Her face shouldn't show any line.

Melody Fair won't you comb your hair?

You can be beautiful too.

Melody Fair , remember you're only a woman.

Melody Fair, remember you're only a girl.

Who is the girl at the window pane,

watching the rain falling down?

Melody, life isn't like the rain;

its just like a merry go round...

(The Bee Gees)

A distinct sense of déjà vu…

"There is a saying: stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget..."

(Pulau Tioman - 2003)

I am most of the time stupid and at times wise but never naive. I am naturally a compassionate person, void of bitterness. I don't forgive, I just get even.

I suffered a dull sense of monotonous familiarity. An impression of having experienced something catastrophic before. At time like this I wish for my memory to be blank for this memory caused mental disturbances and would again drag me into a sense of helplessness, anger dissolved in the feeling of disbelief. Of being thrown into the abyss of dark pit where not a molecule of cell could survive. Where love replaces hatred, doubt replaces certainty, dream replaces reality. A betrayal of trust, shattering fragile emotions, wiping away precious shared happiness. A life replaced by bottled grief of emotional vacuum.

If this life is to be lived all over again, I would choose another more mundane and ordinary…

Refocus my energy…

"A poor man is not he who is without a cent, but he who is without a dream..."

(Revved up for the road)

I have been thinking and dreaming a lot lately. As the year draws to a close, I am gearing up for my last day in office and it's time for a new beginning.

I have live long enough to encounter my mid-life, a phase I may want to deny but cannot escape. And I am comfortably stuck where I am now.

The mid-way of life is a thoughtful time to be. I am talking as if I am going to live for another 100 years. For all you know, I may die tomorrow! But I guess now is a good time to reflect and refocus my energy. People said that I dream of the impossible. But these dreams are the essence of my happiness.

I Believe....

That it's taking me a long time

To become the person I want to be...

Rules to live by…

“Get smart, forever enjoy!”

(these rules are not mine)

Given the many rules to live by, they should be pretty philosophical. But I would stick to those simple words written by my favorite teacher in my autograph book, long years ago.

If I could recall and recreate situations in my life, I would bring back the feelings and emotions I had at that time. I realized then, that this is the only life I will ever have. It is my only chance to get it right. The young me was afraid to venture out, to test myself when it comes to my dreams and ambitions. Deep down I knew I have the ability to do more. I was afraid of change, afraid of rocking the boat, afraid of the unknown. Then, I was imagining the worst possible thoughts and feelings I will ever experience in life..

Lead by so many rules to live by, I, so far have lived and will die by norms of behavior that guided my dreams. I am not going to lament on doubts or regrets about how I lived my life and will not bewail the things I wish I would have done better…