Whispers of loneliness...

'“Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained...” - C.S. Lewis

Yesterday morning, I was frustrated when the Spectra refused to start. Not a click of the alarm, not even a sigh from the engine. My first day of work after a week long holiday and this has to happen. Iwan had to rush me to office before driving like crazy to clock-in before 8.30 a.m.

Last night, while the kids were watching the foot-ball games, I was absorbed doing my sudoku puzzles. Hubby was busy packing for his trip to Dhaka and once a while he’ll sit with us and asked about the scores. And once a while he’ll hover over my sudoku puzzle and disturbed my concentration. And tomorrow he’ll be leaving for Dhaka for a week to join his project team and I am going to miss him once again.

Tonight after our nasi lemak dinner at Tanglin, I sent him to KL Sentral. His flight to Dhaka was at 10 o’clock. After we kissed goodbye I drove to Masjid Negara to attend my Arabic class. I wasn’t really following what was being discussed. Feeling the loneliness of separation, even for a short while, drifted my mind away.

Back in the Putramas apartment, from the 22nd floor, the serene silhouette of Masjid Wilayah peeked through the curtain of our bedroom. It was already after 3 o’clock in the morning but my eyes refused to sleep. I could hear the kids in the living room roared and shouted, most probably celebrating the goals from their favorite teams. If Ja is still around he would probably watched the games with his brotherhoods at the Mamak stall, drinking teh tarik and eating roti canai…

The emotion of solitude and loneliness has crushed my heart. Tonight I cried myself to sleep. Like a falling leaf, my mind drifted, lost and alone.

I still carry within me the grief of loving, the passing of time… the distance of miles…